


Again

by Mrs_Marlowe



Series: Electric Couple [6]
Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: F/M, No Dialogue, electric-couple prompts, season 3b (red dragon arc)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-03
Updated: 2017-11-03
Packaged: 2019-01-28 17:34:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12611796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mrs_Marlowe/pseuds/Mrs_Marlowe
Summary: Hannibal thinking during his incarceration.





	Again

**Author's Note:**

> Not my very best. I tried writing from Hannibal's POV.

Hannibal sat on the bed in his cell, staring at the glass walls that allowed Chilton to ogle at him as if he were an animal in a zoo. He hadn’t been able to take his mind away from Bedelia. More specifically, the regrets he had regarding what had happened between them.

Of course, he didn’t regret any of the good times, which there were no shortage of. Just the ending. He shouldn’t have been blinded and distracted by the past and what might have been. Not when he had, what he now realized, was everything that he had ever wanted right there with him already.

Everything happens for a reason, and maybe this needed to happen for him to realize exactly how much Bedelia really meant to him. It was a tragedy. He had been waiting for weeks, since he had sent her a letter, trying to apologize, for a visit from her. She still hadn’t shown up, and he was beginning to get even more nervous that she would never come and see him.

He didn’t want to send another letter, it might come off as him being possessive, which she had never liked. She was an independent woman, who allowed him to be a part of her life. All he wanted was another chance to be allowed such an opportunity. If he still had her, he would have reason to find a way out of this awful place.

He knew it wouldn’t be easy to do. None of it would be. But, it was rare that things truly worth doing were easy, they were supposed to be difficult. That was why they were worthy of doing.

Bedelia deserved far more than he had given her. She deserved his entire heart at every moment, and nothing less. He had given her a lot, but not nearly enough. Not what she truly deserved. For some reason, he had devoted time to having Will back in his life. Will, the man who betrayed him. Betrayal was unforgivable, and he had nearly forgiven Will.

He stood up and went to sit with his back to the glass. Bedelia wasn’t coming. He didn’t deserve a visit from her.

She had been right from the beginning, and he had been a fool to not listen to her. His obsession with Will had gone too far, as she said it would. She was always right, and now he would never get the chance to apologize to her directly.

It was the only thing he really wanted. To see her one last time to apologize. It wouldn’t be enough to satisfy him forever, but it would give him some peace of mind regarding their relationship and how it ended.

He closed his eyes, and wandered into his mind palace. It was the only place he could see her these days. It wouldn’t be the same as seeing her and properly apologizing, but it would perhaps be able to provide him with some comfort.

He walked into the room where she would be, and was not surprised to see her sitting with a book in her lap, hair gathered at one side, head tilted slightly to one side... like that rainy afternoon in Florence when he had come home and they had spent their time reading in front of the fire, in silent contentment.

He wanted to call out to her, but he couldn’t. She wasn’t real right now, merely a memory. And breaking the silence would ruin the memory of that night. They didn’t speak. Words hadn’t been needed.

He shook his head and left the room. He couldn’t speak, couldn’t try and find the words to say to her. He had realized too late that he was in love with her. And now he would pay for it, forever.

It was no less than he deserved, and he knew it. He opened his eyes and pulled his left knee towards him to wrap his arms around.

He knew it was silly, but part of him wondered if this is the ending Bedelia had always had in mind. Will Graham was clearly a lost cause, and there was nothing that anyone could do. He didn’t deserve anyone’s help. He had betrayed everyone at some point in time. Hannibal should have seen it from the beginning that he would also be betrayed by the man that didn’t deserve his faith.

Hannibal took a deep breath and smiled. One day, Bedelia would visit, and until then, he wouldn’t cooperate with anyone. He couldn’t. He needed to know how Bedelia was telling their story. He couldn’t ruin her freedom for her, not after everything. He would ruin everything else for everyone else, but he had ruined far more than he needed to with Bedelia, and somehow, she gave him multiple chances.

He wouldn’t go around wasting them anymore. He simply couldn’t. He had very little to gain, and nothing left to lose. He had already lost everyone who counted. Mischa, his mother, his father, his Aunt Murasaki, Chiyoh, and Bedelia. There was no guarantee of Chiyoh’s forgiveness, and he had been pulled from Bedelia’s arms by his sheer foolishness. He had to have her back. She was the only thing he needed. And he would prove that to her.

He stood up and walked to his desk, snatching the sketch book he had been granted before going back to the cot. Cameras could not properly see what he was doing on the cot, as his lawyer fought against the unethical treatment of allowing Hannibal to be watched whilst he slept.

He bit his lip for a moment, and tried to conjure up a memory of Bedelia when they were happy. When she was truly smiling the smile that was more rare than diamonds. It didn’t take long, and he began to sketch it from memory, surprised that he seemed to do her smile and eyes justice. It was a fear he held, not doing Bedelia’s beauty justice.

The sketch took the better part of an hour and when it was complete, Hannibal wrote a note on it.

_Bedelia,_

_I’ll give this to you again._

_-Hannibal_

 


End file.
